Dating a single parent can seem daunting. You may already know they have children, or you only find out after the first date. If you do, should you instinctively run for the hills or stick it out?
It may sound tempting at first, but the reality is that dating someone who already has a kid(s) can turn out to be more rewarding than you think. I am not being biased here or tooting my own horn, but we still have a lot to offer.
It is true that there may be challenges at times, but if you arm yourself with enough knowledge and forethought, you will be able to navigate it with more confidence and skill.
Here is what you should know about dating a single parent, like myself. These tips will make life easier for not only you but also your partner, trust me. Although I will refer mainly to dating a single dad, this advice will be helpful for dating a single mom as well.
The Pros
He Is Serious About Any Relationship He Enters Into
This has admittedly got to be one of the biggest advantages that awaits you. Often dating maybe a bit of a roller coaster when it comes to serious commitment. But for me when I commit to someone seriously I am all about them. Being a single dad has thought me a world of responsibilities after having my one and only. I realize that I do not have the time (or patience) to play games and be wishy-washy about a new relationship.
With my daughter in my life, I am looking for stability; not only for myself but for my kid(s). You are almost guaranteed to never experience any ‘disappearing acts’ or insecurity. If a single dad sees the potential for a life-long mate; he is going to do everything in his power to make it work.
He Has A Nurturing And Sensitive Personality
As a parent, I have organically ‘mastered’ the ability to be nurturing towards another person, I more sensitive to other’s feelings, especially having a girl. Having a child really changes you and makes you selfless. A single dad or mom sees the importance of taking other’s feelings into consideration, how could we not? Children’s natures are naturally more delicate than adults.
I know a few family friends who are now parents and for the dads, I have noticed a change in their personality that they have become some real softies with big hearts. They do not act out in brashness nor do they fail to notice their effects on other’s feelings due to their actions. Their personalities really do epitomize the images of a ‘gentle giant’.
He Looks Past The Exterior
This quality in someone can be rare he is looking for inside beauty. He is looking for a woman who has the potential to be a good remodel to his children, as well as a lifelong partner to enjoy the rest of his days with. When out on a date he is more likely to take special note of your general attitude towards people you interact with, not only toward him.
The last thing on his mind is to scrutinize you from top to bottom. He is looking for qualities in a partner that can be easily overlooked by others. After all, we are looking for someone who will be supportive and caring
The Cons
Of course dating anyone, especially a single dad, is not always going to be sunshine and roses. There are cons and potential challenges. But knowing this beforehand may make it easier to manage, as well as be able to work together to better it.
The Ex
Unless he or she is widowed, there will always be the children’s mother or father in the picture. This is one of the most important factors to realize and take into consideration. Boy! Did I mishandle this part early on in my dating stage, after ending things with my daughter’s mom, lol… You live, grow, and do better. Initially, I had the attitude that we are no longer together so what I did was my business. Let me be clear, I definitely did not introduce my daughter to a bunch of random people, oh no! Never do that! It has to be someone you are dating seriously and it should take some time.
Initially, I had the attitude that we are no longer together so what I did was my business. Let me be clear, I definitely did not introduce my daughter to a bunch of random people! Never do that! It has to be someone you are dating seriously and it should take some time.
Well, I found someone and it took a little over a year before I introduced her to my daughter. I would definitely, take into consideration your child’s age and maturity level. My daughter was young at the time about three going on four and even then we had the “talk.” Not that “talk” (I dread that day, but I will be licensed lol).
Before, I even introduced my daughter to anyone I talked to her in regards to how she is feeling about the new dynamic of my relationship and her mom. Also, how she felt period. You have to do this, it’s crucial. Kids pick up on everything, even at young ages. Talked to them especially when you plan on dating and eventually introducing them to someone new.
Now ‘ah hmm’… Where I went wrong is I talked to the four-year-old adult, but I didn’t talk to her mom. I didn’t talk to the mom in regards that I was beginning to date (you are not obligated to). I introduced my daughter to my girlfriend at the time and did not give the mom a proper heads up.
Big mistake! And I repeat again, big mistake! I was
I was a newly single parent and didn’t know the ropes when it came to dating as one. Needless, to say this caused a lot of issues between my daughter’s mom and myself. And eventually, issues between my daughter’s mom and the girlfriend.
Out of respect and her being the mother you need to let her know what is going on. There should be at least a conversation between the new person in your life and the other parent. This definitely helps the parenting go a lot smoother.
His Children Will Come First
When I say this, I do not mean that his one and only focus will be on the kids. It simply means that his children will naturally take the main priority in his life. Plans may be canceled at the last moment to accommodate a sudden incident involving his kids that need his attention. The reasons may range greatly depending on his responsibilities to his children and the existing arrangements with them and/or their mother. This may be a bitter pill to swallow; however, like all challenges, keeping things in perspective will be a great help.
The reasons may range greatly depending on his responsibilities to his children and the existing arrangements with them and/or their mother. This may be a bitter pill to swallow; however, like all challenges, keeping things in perspective will be a great help.
The truth is although his main priority maybe his children; he will never give you any less of your priority in his life as a partner. Although it may be tricky at the beginning, he will make the effort to better balance his relationship and responsibility towards his children and his relationship and responsibility towards you. If at first things are rocky at the start, by being understanding, he will be able to stress less, making it easier for him to learn balance.
You Maybe Treated As An Intruder At First
Children may be sensitive, but also malleable at first when it comes to these situations. They will be uncertain of the correct way to react to a new woman in their father’s life, especially if it is the first relationship after their mom. Because of this, they may behave unpredictable and may be slightly influenced by their mother if she is spiteful.
All hope is not lost, though. Children, although being impressionable, have a great potential to adjust to new situations, especially younger kids. It may mean making a bigger effort on your part in order to ease any tension or bad feelings. If children see that you are not a threat to their relationship with their dad, and see the positive impact you may have on him; they will more readily change their opinions of you and be more welcoming towards you.
After Everything Is Said And Done
Dating someone with children need not be a doomed relationship. By knowing all the good, and bad, things, you will be able to keep perspective on things as well as be able to do all that you can to support your partner and work with him (or her). It may sound as if you have to constantly toil and go out of your way; but by working with your partner, any challenges will be easier to overcome and require less strain on you both. It will also make the likelihood of your relationship lasting longer and being happier a certainty.
